I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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