Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
