ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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