just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
