there's paper in my vomit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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