i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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