i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
