I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my shit smells like andre
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
