Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
