he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
