Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
