you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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