we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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