So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
