You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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