I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
