what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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