what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
