I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
