i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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