Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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