did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
