He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
