I wish I could teleport
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
