sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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