I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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