I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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