Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna have a badass scar
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
