Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
