thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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