WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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