there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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