how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
