So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
