If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
wow bdsm is so cute
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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