You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
