He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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