is your mom at the bar?
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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