We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
