I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
