Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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