At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
