I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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