You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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