i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
