Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
