JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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