It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
