Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
