So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
