I would go down on you faster than GM stock
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
