yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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