There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
