OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
