the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
