Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
